Thursday, October 8, 2015

Glitter therapy (as the beachball spins)

Having FINALLY dispensed with all photography obligations (because if you give me more time to procrastinate, I WILL TAKE IT) today I went to my studio and played with glitter paint. Because shiny things are distracting, and I fucking love glitter. I'll be using half of this vintage plastic model heart (a vintage drug rep model) in a sculptural piece I'm working on (I'm actually working on about 4 pieces but this is the one I'm most excited about at the moment). There's glitter AND mirror tile involved. So it's gonna be pretty awesome. Hoping to get in more studio time before surgery, whenever that's happening, I'm hopeful to have an answer to that question after tomorrow's fun. 

Tomorrow morning I get to haul my ass to the hospital at the asscrack of dawn for an angiogram. So that will be massive fun. They told me I'll need a ride, I'm assuming that means they are going in through the femoral artery and not the wrist, which was what happened last year, and I was able to drive myself since they just bound up my wrist. I also wasn't yet on blood thinners, which may or may not make a difference in their approach, no idea. Speaking of, giving myself the Lovenox shots isn't so bad, but my stomach is starting to look like I was assaulted with a hammer (tres Sexy, oui?) Also, since I'm off Warfarin at the moment I'm convinced I will have a stroke any second now, so that's been nice. Have you met my new best friend? Say hi, Xanax! 

This will be my 4th time at the Angiogram rodeo, I detest these procedures, they hurt (this may not be the case for everyone, they tell you as the dye is injected that you may "feel slight warmth spreading in your chest" In my particular case, "slight spreading warmth" actually translates to "searing burning pain in conjunction with heart feeling like it may explode") and I feel icky afterwards. I'm hopeful that the need for a ride also implies they will give me some kind of sedative, which would make the post procedure laying on my back for 5 hours, less tedious, as well as silencing my inner voice that keeps telling me they will find something awful, and have to admit me immediately. Maybe tho, JUST MAYBE they will give me some nice calming drugs, go in through my wrist, and I'll be home by noon. My inner voice feels that is highly unlikely. My inner voice is a dick.

It's possible I may get a little whiny in the next few days. I HATE when I'm whiny. I'm just so over this whole thing and it hasn't even begun yet. I know no matter how shitty and beat up I feel after the surgery, I will be glad to get on the other side of it, but in the meantime I'm stressed out and anxious and my god I wish my Mother was here.